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Category: A to Z challenge

A to Z challenge, Random Musings

The courage to be imperfect

What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think – or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am? ~ Brené Brown Continue reading The courage to be imperfect

Petal and MortarApril 11, 20164 Comments

Seek & ye shall find

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The one in the middle is headed back to London. I am worried for him. I've made him doublemask for the flight. The other two are halfway across the world. It's a weird old universe that gives me these three spectacular humans and then keeps me far away from them. The immigrant life: not for the faint of heart.
I chose a new view today to maximise the sunlight on my face. It has been a horribly cold, wet, grey day. I spent a good chunk of my day listening to, and butchering, French, which always makes me think of my beautiful Stef. It's still hard to believe she's hanging with the man in the moon. I see her comments on photos, I have her messages and voicemails, she's still in my close friends group on insta. There is so much happiness and laughter bound up in the sorrow. If anyone was going to kick cancer's butt, she was. Until she didn't. There is a part of me that regrets deeply not jumping back on a plane 2 weeks after I moved to Madrid, to be with her. To laugh with her one last time. Instead, I got to be the person who used my broken French to tell her sister she was gone. Perhaps that's the disconnect. The words were in a language not my own. In our common English, in my memories, she's still belting out the lyrics of a Stereophonics song and dancing across the room. Bisou bisou, petit chou.
This has been a difficult few weeks. Lots of reasons. Mostly health-related. But the one ray of sunshine was this impending arrival from Scotland. I actually had my eye on another piece of Mary's work, but when I saw this one, I knew it was mine. OK, ours. Family Christmas gift came early this year. There are no rules in 2020. If you're looking for me, I'll just be here, staring at it.
Working at the dining table today and this is my view over my shoulder. It's not a hard life. Except when it comes to Spanish bureaucracy. I had another set of appointments rescheduled today.
Current mood. This has been a week of multiple dislocations on top of the shingles. If I crack this much, I should glow like a glow stick, right?!
Edited post: When I accepted this challenge, I didn't think too hard about it. And then I read up on the real reason why black and white selfies were trending. See my stories. Read about femicide in Turkey and the Istanbul Convention. I exist knowing I would never be threatened by my father, brother, husband or nephew. That my actions are my own. My autonomy is real. It is not the reality for many woman globally. We have a lot of work to do. So keep posting the selfies. But let's educate and donate, too. Look local. What women's charities could you support in your area?

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