Unfriending

I’ve ummed and ahhed about writing this post. I really don’t know what good it’s going to do me, and I’m probably tired and emotional, but I sincerely hope y’all have some words of wisdom, advice or just plain tell me to snap out of it.

I’ll start at the beginning, because that’s as good a place as any. When we moved back to London almost three years ago, I left behind a few people I thought had become good friends with over the years. People whose kids were the same age as mine, people whose homes I had been in, girls nights shared, birth stories laughed over…you get the picture. People I thought I would stay friends with.

One friend has been good at staying in touch, and we’ve met up with the children as often as we can. The other two make it to London on a regular basis, often to what I consider my neck of the woods and I usually find out about it from Facebook, after the fact. Yesterday, I found out two of them were EIGHT minutes away from where I live, with their kids, sans spouses, so not ‘family time’ … and they hadn’t mentioned it. I hate Facebook updates.

I am at a loss. A total loss. I’m wondering if I just need to suck it up, put on my big girl pants, and unfriend/unfollow them on Facebook, so I don’t see the updates. I don’t work well in the grey zone. Why should I keep people in my life who clearly don’t want me in theirs? But I’m never sure of social media protocol. 

It sounds so ridiculous and self-indulgent when I type this out because I have people who love me, who text me, and write, and send silly gifts. Who check in on Instagram or this blog. Perhaps I am still physically & emotionally drained after the whole sickness debacle of the last five weeks (DD’s recovering well, by the way – thanks for all the good wishes). But rejection in any form and at any age SUCKS. And I’m feeling rejected and excluded. Rant over.

So, bloggy-verse, what do you think? What would you do, in my shoes?

Editors’s note: I’ve since had feedback. Yes, this is a one-sided post because it’s about my feelings and perceptions. No, I don’t expect a special trip to see me but yes, it hurts when you’re in my hood and I don’t have the chance to meet you and say hello. But I also now realise friendships evolve. Some regress to acquaintanceships. Or nothing at all. Which is sad, but more common than I realised.

15 thoughts on “Unfriending

  1. Jay E. says:

    I’ll be honest, I’ve never been good at keeping up friendships; I may not be the best person to offer advice.

    In my experience, I’ve only unfriended/unfollowed/blocked people who’ve done purposeful, irreparable harm to the relationship. Drifting apart is one thing, burning bridges is another.

    Ultimately though, you are responsible for your own happiness, so do what you think best and don’t question it – otherwise you’re just letting them win by causing more worry/misery on your part.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Donna says:

    I have a friend on facebook that I rarely ever see as we live so far apart but whenever I am near I always go for a visit even if it ends up being a short one. On the other hand I have unfriended someone but only because I wanted my fb to be just family and those that I keep in touch with. I think it is a personal choice but I have never understood having hundreds of people on my fb that mean nothing to me. I just do not want to share that part of my life with many. That is why I have my blog lol. Good luck with your decision. Personally I would come right out and ask why they did not come or try to come for a visit. Again that is just me I do not have time in my life anymore to be anything but direct. Maybe there is a good reason. Maybe there isn’t but then you will know for sure. Like I said a personal choice.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. joey says:

    Oh gosh, that sounds dramatic to me. When you all lived in the same place, did y’all do everything together? For seven years I lived elsewhere and my friends went on having fun without me. I moved back and we all do what we like with whom we like just like we did before. Don’t you ever meet one friend for lunch, or plan an excursion with one, or only couples date with a few?
    If I meet my friend for dinner tomorrow at 5, am I obligated to invite all my other friends who live nearby? I hope not, because that goes from the two of us catching up to a 12-top party, and I’m not up for a party!
    I guess what I’m saying is were you outright snubbed or just not invited?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. fillyourownglass says:

    I get where you are coming from, except in my case it is with a few family members, not friends. I see their posts on Facebook about how wonderful this person is, or how great of a time they had with that person…and it stings. I find myself constantly hurt and left wondering why I’m not important to them. I have come close to blocking or unfriending them, but I haven’t hit the button yet. As Jay mentioned already it will burn bridges. I would say if their posts affect you to the point of upsetting you or altering the course of your day then it may be best to cut ties. However, if they are important to you I would try to have an honest conversation about how you feel. I hope you find resolution you can live with!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. SassaFrassTheFeisty says:

    Well, lots of good advice out here. Me personally, I would unfriend them. They couldn’t take the time to go 8 minutes down the road even after saying y’all should catch up… Shameful. The other friends you have that stay in touch via Instagram or the blog, text, emails and gifts through snail mail address the friends to keep. And i agree, some bridges are meant to be burnt. Sometimes we out grow friends like we do clothes. And that’s ok. Some friendships aren’t meant to last. Hang in there, and so glad to hear DD is recovering well!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Lucy Camp says:

    I’m with the general opinion of everyone else here – chuck ’em! It is really weird that they were just around the corner and couldn’t even say so, even if they were terribly busy or not. I would call them if you feel brave enough and tell them they upset you and it’s not what true friends are all about. I’m pretty sure you can unfollow someone’s feed on Facebook without unfriending them – you just don’t see their posts – anyway, life’s too short – cleanse my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Natalie Rispin says:

    It says a lot more about those people than it does you. It happens all the time to me, I think to myself right that’s it I’m not making contact with anyone see who actually bothers with me. I can never hold out, I always just have to check how people are doing. Gah to being a human being and actually caring. Big squeezes, you’re amazing xx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Julie M says:

    Ahhhh the beauty of moving frequently! I agree with Jay E. It sounds more like you are drifting apart so I wouldn’t take it personally though I can completely understand how you would (I’ve been in the same boat). I had the same problem when we left our neighborhood in the States – we had all been friends for close to 10 years, all had kids at the same time, had the second round of kids at the same time, etc. They were my family. And lo and behold as soon as we moved to Spain, I barely heard from then other than an occassional FB like. And yet they expected me to see them whenever I was in town. I was torn for years but now that we’ve sold our house in the US, I feel a little less so. But it took me a long time to recognize that they weren’t trying to hurt me, but that our relationship had changed and we’d drifted apart. But I’m sorry you are feeling hurt by them!

    Liked by 1 person

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